Inner Relationship Focusing

Inner Relationship Focusing (IRF) is the name given by Ann Weiser Cornell and Barbara Mc Gavin to a process which facilitates us  to be at peace with what arises in our inner world. As the name suggests, we as "Self In Presence" which inherently is at peace and has no content in and of itself, looks towards what arises in us with openness and curiosity, and initiates a relationship with whatever we see. This relationship is based on gentleness, allowing, acceptance and being non-judgemental towards oftentimes parts of us that have been pushed deep inside or we have been non-allowing of.

This is a natural process through cultivating our awareness of "Self-In-Presence" as IRF puts it. We cultivate this Presence to our fullest capacity in the moment initiating a relationship with whatever parts of us choose to come forward in this space. We make contact with these parts of ourselves on their terms, approaching them in a gentle way and asking them questions like " How do you feel from your point of view?" and "What kind of contact would you like from me?" This approach to experiencing ourselves as whole and healed is somatic, working with what the body shows us during a process to integrate what I call love wounds into our dynamic experience of living. The wounds themselves, through this process may change or cease to be experienced as wounds.

One of the reasons I love IRF so much is that I find it so refreshing to have a structured way of approaching parts of myself without the need or desire to change them. This is an important part of IRF in that it is communicated to these parts that they are welcome to stay as long as they need. We as Presence are simply keeping them company.

Recognising ourselves as Presence in itself is a big breakthrough for our own inner healing but in my experience and for many around the world, Presence without process is not enough to allow parts of ourselves to become unstuck or unmerged. A process like IRF allows and encourages Presence and its innate virtues of love, gentleness and intelligence to reach out to  shadow  or hurt aspects of ourselves and let them know they are acknowledged and loved as they are, without the need to change. Without a process like IRF shadows and light (Presence) can live side by side for a loooonnnnnggg time. IRF facilitates in being wholly at peace in our human home.

It takes a whole lot of love and many sessions of IRF to integrate all the many parts of us that for many years have been abandoned by ourselves. The process may never end yet IRF is to me like an opportunity to wholly and completely, unequivocally see this character with all its many human tendencies and allow it to be and move as life would have it without judgement imposed on it, allowing us to fully experience what it is to be human whilst simultaneously recognising our Presence, unmerged with all these parts of ourselves.

A podcast conversation I had with Jinevra Howard from Focusing Resources can be listened to here.

Amba Love